Bullying isn’t just a phase nor something you “just get over” or something that makes you stronger. But somewhere in history the world chose to look at it as a cliché— one that people happily dismiss as a minor issue only making the problem worse. And for those who never experienced it, it remains an abstract issue, something distant and unimportant. The world moves on and the bullied are left to figure out how to survive their trauma alone.
And what’s worse? The justifications:
“They’re just jealous of you.”
“It’ll make you stronger.”
“One day, you’ll thank them.”
These are the lies we feed victims of bullying as if that makes it okay. As if it somehow makes the pain easier to bear. But all it really does is justify a bully’s actions. It tells them, “Go ahead, hurt someone, break them down, maybe even push them to the edge—because in the end, you’re just helping them ‘grow’.” When did we decide that abuse is some kind of character development? When did we start convincing victims that their suffering is just part of life, something to be grateful for?
We’ve normalised bullying in a way that’s terrifying, like I said it’s the cliche of all cliches. I guess that makes me a cliché. I’ve been bullied at different stages of my life and I’ve heard all the classic justifications: “They’re just jealous of you,” “It’ll make you a stronger person,” “One day, you’ll thank them.” The truth is none of that is true. Bullying is one of the most destructive things that can be done to a human being— it tears you apart from the inside out. And it doesn’t matter if it’s verbal, physical or online; the damage is deep and the scars never fully fade.
It’s been a while since I was in the thick of it, yet I live with those memories every day, unable to escape my trauma and pain, no matter how much time has passed. When I talk about it, my voice still cracks, my chest still tightens and suddenly I’m still in that place of hurt. That place where I was so desperate for an escape that when my mom told me, “You can’t stay home forever,” I thought of a permanent solution. I had other problems, sure, but bullying felt like the constant whisper in my ear, reminding me that maybe I shouldn’t be here at all.
“You Survived Bullying, But Now What?”
The world needs to wake up and realise bullying is actually not something you simply outgrow, like a childhood phase. They tell you that once it stops, you’ll heal, you’ll move on and everything will be fine. But what about those of us who made it through the worst of it and are still struggling with the aftermath?
Surviving was the hardest part. But healing… healing seems to be the worst of it. And healing isn’t linear. Some days, you feel like you’ve moved on. Other days, a single comment, a familiar situation or even a certain tone of voice brings everything rushing back. The self-doubt, the insecurities, the overwhelming fear that maybe they were right about you. Maybe you are everything they said you were. No one talks about that part. No one tells you that the effects of bullying don’t just disappear.
When Will We Take This Seriously?
I am terrified to grow up and to bring children into a world that I know I can’t fully protect them from. A world that tells them “bad things happen, deal with it” instead of actually trying to stop those bad things from happening. Because at some point, bullying became so normalised that it was no longer seen as a crisis—it was seen as inevitable.
And the same question remains, when? When will we demand real action, stop making excuses for bullies and start actually helping the people they destroy, to stop it once and for all.
Because most people die from it. It can kill a person not just physically, but emotionally, mentally & spiritually. And the world is standing by, letting it happen.
We need to stop justifying pain. To stop treating bullying like a rite of passage. Because if we don’t, we’ll keep losing people—not just to death, but to the slow, quiet erosion of who they are.
I feel like I relate to this, I hope it gets better
Thank u so much for sharing that, @Steph. It means a lot to know the piece resonated with you. I’m really sorry that you can relate to the pain, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I hope it gets better too, not just for you but for all of us who are still trying to heal. You’re not alone in it and I’m always here if you ever need to share space, and if I am not a comfortable enough person for u, pls talk to someone who is. You deserve softness, safety and real support.
I agree!!! It’s time something happens about it and I’m glad that one of the new laws against bullying in SA , is that you can be taken to jail. Great article keep posting more :)& I hope as a society we learn to take it mire seriously.
Thank you, @Sipho . I’m really grateful you read it and that you see the urgency in all of this. You’re right— real consequences like jail time are finally showing that it’s not just “kids being kids.” It’s a step in the right direction, but we still have so far to go. I’m hoping conversations like these help push us there. More posts are on the way! Let’s keep making noise until they can’t ignore us.
I agree, although my experiences in terms of bullying did make me develop what I like to think is “think skin” (which in reality is probably just my ability to let alotta shit slide if I’m being real), bullying is still very detrimental. Nowadays I like to think if I had retaliated and fought back, they would’ve backed off-I still believe so-however the fact that they thought it was aight to bully in the first place is straight BS.
Thank you for sharing that @Dire, I really feel what you said about developing “thick skin”, so many of us carry that same armour, but deep down it’s just our way of surviving. You’re right, the real issue isn’t whether we fought back or not, it’s that we were put in a position where we had to even think about defending ourselves just to be left alone. That’s not strength training, that’s trauma. I’m proud of you for pushing through and even more for reflecting on it like this.
This is such a powerful and eye-opening piece. Bullying needs to stop being addressed as a norm and needs to be seen as the severe problem it actually is. Thank you for giving a voice to what so many feel but rarely say out loud.
Thank you @Olwethu, You’re absolutely right, bullying has been treated like a normal part of growing up for far too long and it’s silencing and damaging so many people in the process. I wrote this to say what I wish someone had said for me and I’m glad it’s now giving a voice to others too. Let’s keep pushing for a world that listens and actually cares.
What touched me most about this is “THE AFTERMATH” ….after surviving bullying,it’s true the World turns their backs on victims or survivors and they are left to deal with the aftermath alone.How can we approach it differently? What is the expectation? Would a support group help without it bringing back memories? What kind of support can we offer those who have experienced bullying?
That’s exactly the type of questions we should be asking @Kefilwe Dire, victims and survivors are left alone in times of need and we as a society need to be asking what support to give them to get through these events of bullying. But I do have to say- I am interested in the idea of a support group for bullied victims, maybe a community of those who have gone through something similar could be what a person needs in their support system and might give them new perspectives on dealing with the matter.